streeeetched.

God, I feel like You're really stretching me right now.

Physically, I am exhausted--second night in a row of sleeping pretty late without the chance to sleep in the next morning. Spiritually, I'm still lacking in discipline in my daily quiet times and prayer times =\ sorry. Mentally, my thoughts are at once all over the place and crowded together, mostly for Amazing Race, biochemistry/mole cell homework and tests, plus camping trip...and now maybe leading a small group this semester?! I just (want to) feel like this: o______________o Man, and I thought school and IV couldn't get any crazier than last year when I was doing Amazing Race all on my own and tackling things like organic chemistry...but at least right now, it feels even more hectic.
Maybe this is what You pruning me looks like, in order that I may bear more fruit for Your glory. If that is the case, so be it. Let my heart choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name.
Maybe this is what You growing me looks like. Placing me once again in a place where I have no choice but to reach out for Your hand, to cling onto You and depend on You with everything I have, plans and all, so that when it's all over, I can look back and say that it was definitely, without an ounce of a doubt, all You, Jesus.



"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." -1 Corinthians 10:13
Love that promise. Thank You, Jesus.

(from 9/25/11...because I don't really want to publish this publicly but can't do a private on just one post. Sigh, insecurities...still struggling with this one 3 months later. but God, thank You that You are greater than all my doubts.)

"rawr."
Why can't I let this insecurity stop bugging me? No matter how many times I reread God's message of love over me, once I step on the scale, I want to cry and wallow in self-pity. It's not even a big change...just a gradual increase that I guess I'm scared will never stop.

This is disgusting. People are starving around the world. Every time I'm able to fill my stomach, it is a joyful pleasure. Jesus, help me to truly know and believe in my heart that You are the only beautiful thing in me, and it is more than enough to overcome what numbers on a scale tell me.)

heartache.

I don't know why it still hurts when I read certain things that he says or writes, even though they're not even directed at me. I wish these silly heart wrenches would go away, would be overwhelmed by Your love for me, Jesus. I know You're my first love, I know You're the only One who pursues me perfectly and holds my heart, but I still can't help feeling the sting. Will it ever stop?

thrift.

Wondering why it's so hard for me to let go of the thriftiness that's lodged so deeply within me. Even my parents got on my case about it (again) this past weekend...God, show me how to be a good steward of the (financial) resources that You've so richly blessed me with. Please. Dislodge this fleshly desire to hoard up money for myself and replace it with something more beautiful--a desire to use every penny for Your glory, whatever that looks like.


Jesus, thank You also for the love You've shown me through my parents for my whole life, including this past weekend. I feel so spoiled :) and I know this is something most children never get to experience from their earthly parents.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
-Matthew 7:11

lovesong.

Song of Solomon is freaking awesome. Seriously, it's God's love letter to you.
If you don't believe me, just go read 2:8-14 or 4:1-10.

My beloved spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, come with me.
See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land.
The fig tree forms its early fruit;
the blossoming vines spread their fragrance.
Arise, come, my darling;
my beautiful one, come with me.”

My dove in the clefts of the rock,
in the hiding places on the mountainside,
show me your face,
let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet,
and your face is lovely.


Mmmmmmmmmmmmm. :) Thank You, Jesus.

familiarity and frustrations.

There's something nice about having familiar teachers. You know what I mean?



On a completely different note, being super detail-oriented and working with someone who is terrible with logistics is incredibly frustrating. Arghhh. Being stretched and grown in patience is difficult.

asymptotes.

My little brother was telling me the other day how the Christian walk is like an asymptote. I wish I could better remember his analogy...all I can remember now is how he said that there are times of exponential growth, but after that, we are just constantly growing closer and closer to God, for the rest of our lives. :)

joshua 1.

Email to our previous staff documenting encouragement from Joshua 1.

"Hey!
Just wanted to share something with you that encouraged me during our evangelism training a couple of weeks ago. We were studying Joshua 1, and what struck me a lot was the first thing that God says to Joshua (in verse 2 and 3): "Moses my servant is dead. Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them—to the Israelites. I will give you every place where you set your foot, as I promised Moses."
I guess it had never occurred to me before, but when God says to Joshua, "Moses my servant is dead," it made me realize: Wow, last year's leadership team is gone (not completely, but in terms of our whole team/team dynamics, etc). [You're] gone. We're a really new team (the only returning leaders are on core, [our current staff] is new, all of the other leaders are brand new)...which is pretty scary. But that's not the end of it. God follows up His statement with such wonderful promises, and I know that He's basically saying the same thing to us this year in UTD-IV. It was just really good for me to remember/acknowledge that last year (and last year's leadership team) is behind us, but God hasn't left us by any means. Of course, I/we miss you so much, but you really did such a great job in training and leading us :D Thanks again!!

Yep yep. Hope that was as encouraging to you as it was to me. Can't wait to see you in less than a week! :D
Love, Anna"


The first two large groups have had >100 people. EACH. God is awesome! Can't wait to see what He has planned for our fellowship this year. But as they told us at Rec Week, "New level, new devil." With such large numbers, we have to take into account a lot of different things, not the least of which is crowd control and small group involvement. Jesus, please show us how to be faithful in shepherding Your flock.

(secular) student orgs.

I guess I'd never thought too much about the difference between secular student orgs and fellowships like IV, especially after getting to college. Maybe that's because I never really joined any orgs other than IV, except for AED...but that's just like pre-health NHS in its size and lack of intimacy.
Last week, I went to VSA's first meeting, and today, I went to CSA's first meeting. Lots of Asians, (pizza and) egg rolls, semi-fun icebreakers. Not that great or attractive. Plus, you have to pay dues to join these clubs! Call me dumb, but in my mind, that concept harks back to my Bellaire days. What makes people want to join these clubs? I guess just the fact that they have some volunteer events, some social events, and a fundraiser or two. Just people wanting to meet other people with similar interests. The more I type, the more I feel the likelihood rising that these thoughts sound totally inane.
I don't know--after knowing and living the community that is IV (or any true fellowship on campus), I feel like these clubs just don't quite make the cut...at least not for me. There's only so much fun, so much depth that can be reached in a friendship, without Jesus. Jesus makes the difference. And I think for the first time, I'm seeing that in a new light--student orgs.

I'm not sure what to make of these thoughts...just interesting. We may not be nearly as tight as Acts 2 community, but communities with no Jesus really seem so...hollow. So empty. A firsthand look at what is meant by the term "God-shaped hole". God, help me to shine Your light on this campus to everyone I interact with.



You know, it's funny--I feel like all this hopping around (first churches, and now student orgs) is something (that should be) more characteristic of freshman year. I specifically told myself I would cut down on my student life activities this semester to study for my MCAT, yet more than ever before, I'm going to more interest meetings for clubs that I've never been to. Is God directing me otherwise, or am I just losing self-discipline all of a sudden?