(road)trippin'

Excited for our first-ever family road trip tomorrow! To North Michigan, aka Mackinaw City and Island. Whoo!

colorado

So heartbreaking to have a legacy of shootings--Columbine in '99 and now the shootings at Aurora after last night :(

sherlock

Mmmm. Been loving watching this new show with Michelle. I think I could say I'm addicted? Haha. Gotta love him/the show in general. The writers are so brilliant! I'm in awe of their intellect and creativity, haha.

Although I don't think I can say I'd actually want to meet this guy in real life (other than to see what he can deduce about me from first meeting me). He's so cold, so detached, really "married to his work", as he says.
His lack of tact reminds me of a bit of Bones, but to the extreme. Lol.

humbled

That's how I feel--in this particular instance (for there are many), regarding my parents and the post I wrote yesterday about them. I realize their words stung (and still sting), but after the fact, I am still very aware that they love me very much and that they do see more than just those issues when they look at me. I'm being reminded, even last night and today, of how much I need their help and cherish their care.


Oh, man...immature, irrational, ungrateful. That would be me right there. So much sanctification to be done.

But I'm so thankful that I have the one and only perfect Teacher gently guiding me, every step of the way :)

questions to chew on

from none other than my amazing discipler :) thank you!

Consider this. I mean, really think about it.

"Do I understand my adoption? Do I value it? Do I daily remind myself of my privilege as a child of God? Have I sought full assurance of my adoption? Do I daily dwell on the love of God to me? Do I treat God as my Father in heaven, loving, honoring, and obeying Him, seeking and welcoming His fellowship, and trying in everything to please Him, as a human parent would want his child to do?
Do I think of Jesus Christ, my Savior and my Lord, as my brother too, bearing to me not only a divine authority but also a divine-human sympathy? Do I think daily how close He is to me, how completely He understands me, and how much, as my kinsman-redeemer, He cares for me?
Have I learned to hate the things that displease my Father? Am I sensitive to the evil things to which He is sensitive? Do I make a point of avoiding them, lest I grieve Him?
Do I look forward daily to that great family occasion when the children of God will finally gather before the throne of God, their Father, and of the Lamb, their brother and their Lord? Have I felt the thrill of this hope? Do I love my Christian brothers and sisters with whom I live day by day, in a way that I shall not be ashamed of when I think back over it? Am I proud of my Father and of His family, to which by His grace I belong? Does the family likeness appear in me? If not, why not?

God humble us; God instruct us; God make us His own true children."

-J.I. Packer

Amen. Conviction for sure.

introspection

(another post saved a few days before I left but never actually written...typical, haha)

I...suck at it. I don't know if it's because I'm such an extrovert, or I'm too lazy, or I'm just very out of touch with my own self because I frankly don't care too much. That sounds terrible, but I think those are all true.
I don't know what about introspection is so difficult for me. Maybe I just don't know how to do it for myself. Maybe there's no one asking me those hard questions that I love to ask to other people, and I'm not willing or able to ask them to myself. (Would that be weird?)
I remember wondering/thinking/hoping that maybe on my trip, I would be able to get better at introspection or at least grow to be a bit more introspective. It's funny, because I don't feel like I really did, despite the amount of group processing activities that we did. Is it that obvious of a trait? I remember during my two-on-one with my group leaders, they mentioned that in terms of physical age, I was one of the oldest members; in terms of spiritual age (and maturity in general), I was well beyond my age; but when it came to emotional maturity--which I would probably describe as level of introspection, or something like that--they mentioned that I seemed a bit underdeveloped. I had never heard it put that way, but I couldn't agree more.

Hmmm. I wonder if that will change.

blogging flood (and drought)

I don't know why I do this. I always mean to blog and then never get around to it, and then when I do...it's like opening the floodgates.

But not really. Because after a few, it'll stop, and then it'll be another several-month drought. Hopefully not, but probably so.

staff work

So I saved this draft in early February (an empty post, just the title) without ever writing one.
Now I don't know where I am on this issue. I still would love to intern with IV for a year as a staff worker, would love to pour my time into students without the burden of classes...but can I? Will I be able to?
God, I'm sorry for not seeking You more on this issue. I know I still need to. I know I'm worried about the obstacle of fundraising that rears up in my mind but even more so, the permission of my parents...which, at this moment, seems nil. Please open the doors if this is what You are inviting me to do next year. And if not...please close every door, even my desire to do this.
Maybe I'm not feeling the desire to do so as much because I'm so far removed from IV through being on summer vacation, being out of state, etc. Or maybe this is God slowly removing that desire. I can't tell! Sigh. Need to keep praying.

8:28

"Since I love God and am fitting into His plans, I will, by faith, count all things as working together for my good today and will thank God and praise Him in obedience to His command. I will encourage others to do the same, to trust and obey God as an expression of the supernatural life." -Romans 8:28

Thank you for sharing this today :) I really needed it.

difficult

Never thought that's how being home would feel.
It reminded me this morning of our last night at Rec Week, when one of the prayer corners was to lift up those for whom going home was a hard thing, even an undesirable thing.
I know they love me, I know they care. Haha, I even encouraged a friend to be patient with her parents when she put up a status sharing how frustrated she felt after two straight years of lecturing. I just...I wish there could be more understanding between parents and their children. Especially Asian ones. When all my dad talks about is my medical school applications (particularly interviews, now) and my mom just keeps referencing ways that I can lose weight, multiple times in the day...is that all they see in me?
It's getting to a point where I feel like it's actually tearing me down inside. It's destructive. I don't want to not be here, I don't want to be angry or cry or yell, but I'm struggling. A lot.

So thankful for my sister being here with me. Prayers would be appreciated. Trying to cling to the promises of the Lord, to His light and love in this dark moment for me (and yes, I know this can hardly be deemed "dark" in light of most people's struggles...sorry).
This is a pretty depressing post. Maybe I'll delete it later.