impatience

...can't wait until 7 p.m. on Saturday, Jan. 28th! And then hopefully this dumb MCAT ridiculousness will be over.
I've got a few test-taking buddies in other cities, so I'll be praying for all of us. :) Let's do this!

sing a new song!

"Taste and See (Psalm 34)"
Verse
I will bless the Lord at all times
My mouth will sing of His praise
He heard me, He delivered me
so I will
Magnify, magnify His name!

Chorus
Taste and see that the Lord is good, that He is good (x2)
Those who look to Him are radiant
and they will never be ashamed
so I make my boast in the Lord!

Verse
Chorus

Bridge
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and He saves the crushed in spirit (x4)

Chorus


also...gooood song

moms

Moms are awesome. Straight up.

There's no doubt about it.


And in my life, I've been blessed to have not one, but several. I know it's nowhere near Mother's Day, but I just feel like sharing...
Of course, there's my real mommy. No one can replace her. She's one of the strongest and most able women I know. She's always explained everything to me; none of that "because I told you so" crap. She's good at English. She knows and can keep track of all my friends. She's really hard to give gifts to. She hates the dentist as much as I do. I admire her so much. I just wish she knew Jesus...!
There's the one I've had since I was young, the only other one who gets to be called "Mommy". The one who has always showered my sister and me with jewelry to indulge her girly gift-giving side, since she never had daughters of her own. She's so loving, so hospitable, so mom-like. This is what a godmother looks like, I guess.
There's the one I had whenever I went to my friend's house/to church, since I was a lone orphan at church. No parents, no sister...I was an honorary family member. I slept over at their house more than any other house outside of my own. She always fed me a lot, too.
There's the one I had when I lived in my first homestay ever, in Argentina. She was really kind and cared for me, but not in an overbearing way. She helped me so much with my Spanish, let me help out in the shop, woke me up on my first day of classes (when I overslept!), yelled at me for baking when she wasn't in the house, told me to grab a scarf on my way out...hehe.
And then there's the one that I have right now. So blessed by the hospitality and warmth and deliciousness I'm receiving day in and day out as I study for my MCAT and prepare to go abroad. Even more blessed that she's also a sister in Christ. Blessed that I can practice Chinese with her.


Man...I got some intense role models to look up to. Thank You, Jesus :)

drift

What happened?


When, how, why did things get to where they are now? I miss her. I miss being silly and goofy and associated with her. I feel so out of touch, and sometimes it's hard to believe we're at the same campus still. How did this happen in just a year? Was it really because we roomed together?
Reading through an old email, where she shared something personal with me and then told me how much she wished I were back in town so we could laugh and talk and sleepover and eat late into the night...it stung.

I know people say that your friends will change in college, and to let them. I just don't want it to be her. Not us.


Jesus, I'm sorry for messing things up somewhere along the line (which I'm pretty sure I did, looking back). Restore this friendship, if You will. I've seen you transform and restore friendships that I never thought could be repaired. Maybe this one, too?

mental stimulation

One form of which is doing a Bible study in Chinese. My first time trying it, haha. Definitely a challenge, but a lot of fun, too. Praise God that He is multicultural/ethnic/lingual!

parentals.

So I got to share the gospel with my parents (well, mostly my mom) again over winter break, and, as expected, it was hard. It's been a while (a few years now?), and after the last time, I think my sister and I had decided that in this season, we were just called to be witnesses to our parents through honoring them and showing them the love of Jesus through our actions and words (and of course to keep praying for them!). But for some reason, a few nights after I was up in Michigan, I was about to fall asleep when I was hit with the urge (from the Holy Spirit, I guess) to share the gospel again with my parents. I don't know where it came from, but the feeling of urgency was so strong that it was pretty unmistakable, and I couldn't really say no to it, either.

The next morning, after sharing with some friends and asking for their prayers, I kept thinking in my head about how to approach the subject during lunch or dinner. Even when I had decided, it was hard. We were sitting there eating lunch, and there was a clear lull/break in the conversation, which was pretty much my cue...and I still hesitated. I hadn't felt that nervous in a long time about saying anything to anyone, but my words felt like they were sliding back down my throat. Finally, I just started by asking my parents about where they thought all their recent blessings/good happenings had come from....which eventually got steered to a spiritual conversation, but in the end, it pretty much looked the same as before--me crying and my mom not really seeing the need for Jesus (and my dad had left; my tears probably made him uncomfortable, lol >.<). Seriously, I don't get emotional sharing the gospel with anyone else...I guess it just hits so close to home, seeing their clear contentment with where they are now, Jesus-less. It's just hard.

But I won't stop praying. And I'm not just praying for them, but also the non-believing parents/families of some of my close friends.


What's more awesome (and cheerful/encouraging, probably) is that in the past few days, God has really encouraged me with hope through testimonies of a couple of other Asian parents/families. A few days ago, one of our IV leaders shared about his winter break in Taiwan and how God really opened doors for him to share the gospel with both his dad and his older sister (both non-believers)--so amazing! I almost teared up hearing his story, haha. Going to keep praying for them to accept Jesus, too. And just last night, at a friend's house party dinner for Chinese New Year, we ended the night by sharing some testimonies. My friend's dad ended up taking most of the time (lol), but he shared his testimony in pretty great detail. Overall, it was really encouraging just seeing how he went from seeking knowledge in Buddhism to challenging Christianity to repenting and receiving Jesus as His Savior. God is constantly moving and at work--praise Him for that! :)

processing

Sometimes (like now?), I kinda wish I was more of an internal processor. That I didn't need to talk things out with close friends/people in general to sort through my thoughts. That I didn't have to share with others just to really share my thoughts and emotions on what I'm going through with myself. That I would be satisfied with just a pen and paper or with frequent updates of this blog.





...or do I?

is it bad..

...that sometimes I wish God kept our lives a little more normal and thus easier to keep up with? I feel like my friends are always going through crazy life changes and there's always too much to be updated on. Geez, I can't imagine what it'll be like coming back from my 3-month long trip, away from all my friends >.<
And yet, as I say this, I realize how silly and selfish it is to ask for that. Living for God each and every day truly is a worthy and rewarding adventure! As crazy and constantly changing as it can be. In the ups and especially in the downs, He is glorified, and that is awesome. He is the Maker of the universe and infinitely creative and always surprising us with more, if we're willing to accept His offer.
It's like when Aladdin asks Jasmine, "Do you trust me?" Do we trust Him? Do I trust Him? Saying yes is scary; it's getting my feet swept away from under me as I embark on something even better than a magic carpet ride. This is God, Creator of all things, who is at the steering wheel.
Who am I to complain, just because my brain can't keep up with what He's doing in the lives of all my friends?

Thank You, Jesus, that I'm not the one in control.



(is it also bad that I'm blogging instead of studying for my MCAT...sigh)

carrying

"Carrying too much stuff, as always, Anna."

A simple remark--but how true is it? Is it just as pertains to physical items (which usually seems to be the case), or am I holding on to more baggage internally? Never really thought too much about it until Epic Anthology (theme of freedom) and my friend's comment a couple of days ago.
Jesus, please show me what I'm still holding on to and not giving up to You.

mmmmm

I wish I had more time (and desire) to blog more. There's always a balance to maintain, isn't there? Balancing the (mostly) extroverted and (not so much) introverted parts of myself. Living and reflecting. Pouring into others and being poured into.


Sometimes I wish I had a really fine mesh net that could catch all the thoughts that flit around in my mind. What happens to all the ones that break free and fly away forever?

I don't know where I'm going with this...probably just slight delirium from waking up at 7 a.m. on a Friday. I'll look back at this later and laugh at it...or just delete it.


Your presence is all that I'm longing for

overload.

onething 2011
Anthology 2012
roommate catch-up (and spiritual convo!)
personal statement drafts
MCAT studying
FANZ prep
lack of sleep

...

Feels like there's too much stuff to think about/sort through right now, yet still so many praises to be given to God :)
Jesus, take the wheel, please. I trust in You and You alone.

more reminders.

It's not just about not burning out, but about being built up.


Just like in a similar way, it's not just about avoiding death, but about choosing life and life in the best and truest form--in Jesus Christ.


Vision statement for my life: He must become greater, and I must become less. (John 3:30)





Thank You for giving me these reminders through brothers and sisters recently :)

accidents

Man, keyboards are totally made for two hands, not just one. Can't believe my knife slipped and I cut my finger...hope it isn't deeper than I think.

mcat

God, please remind me why I am studying for this difficult, 5.5 hour test that will play such a big role in my medical school applications. Please grant me Your supernatural strength and focus and diligence, that I would not give into temptations and distractions in the next three weeks. The first couple of weeks, I was able to read through so much material, but now that it comes to more active studying, I feel my resolve faltering. Please help me. Help me to glorify You even as I study, study, study. I can't do this without You.

no compromises.

No more compromises with darkness.


That's one of the things I took away from onething (which I will blog about...later!). And yet it is just so easy to fall back into sin, perhaps when I'm least expecting it (or maybe because I just don't want to expect it). Praise God for convicting me (again...) of the need to be careful, to keep my feet from swerving to the left or right, from the path He is setting before me. (It's no accident that I've been reading Proverbs 6 and 7 these past couple of days.)

Argh. It's a daily need for Jesus to save me from myself...to be disciplined in the Lord and not be complacent >.< whether it's purity, MCAT studying, or loving those who make it really hard to do so.


Jesus, I don't want to keep disobeying You. Help me to look to You, so that all lesser things and earthly desires fade away, and my will is aligned with Your will.

overjoyed.

What does it mean to be overjoyed, to truly be filled with the joy of the Lord so that it overflows and is apparent in a way that will lead others to glorify God?

I remember sometime in November, when I was just on the Internet in my room with my door open, and only one of my other roommates was in the apartment. She was talking on the phone, and all of a sudden, when she hung up, she ran to my doorway and started jumping up and down and screaming, "I got into UT Law! I got into UT Law!" Actually, she was screaming so quickly that I couldn't understand her for a few seconds. I gave her a smile and a hug, and then she proceeded to run around outside, screaming with joy (I could hear her from inside my room). I've never seen her (or anyone, perhaps) that happy. She started calling her family and close friends and screaming the good news to them over phone airwaves.
It was pretty hard to not be in a good mood afterwards. I was really happy for her! It just made me think, though...if she can be so happy over something so earthly/fleshly, over someone telling her that she was good enough to get into a school, how much more should we be overjoyed about the joy of our salvation, the truth of the gospel, and desire to share the good news with others? Man, pretty convicting.



Let the redeemed of the Lord say so! Amen.

lessons from yoga.

So I took yoga as a 1-hour class this past semester, and it was pretty fun, considering it was my first exposure/experience with yoga, ever. I realized how flexible and inflexible I can be, and the most intense thing I got to do was an elbow stand and a backbend (!). Pretty crazy. Anyway, sometimes our teacher would say things that struck me immediately in terms of how they apply to my spiritual walk. I don't think he's a Christian, but who knows? God still spoke to me through him:

1. do vs. be--Yoga is not just about doing poses, but also about just simply "be"-ing. He would have this corny joke: "If all you do is 'do' poses, then you'll just be a pile of 'doo-doo', so you need a combination of 'do' and 'be', so you can have a nice 'doo-be-doo-be-doo'."
Sounds silly, but it's so true. Especially in my time with Jesus...it's not just about doing. There's so much joy in just sitting at His feet and being with Him. As a type-A, logistics-loving, plan-making person, I need to constantly remind myself not to be a Martha (Luke 10:38-42).

"Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men.
With great delight, I sat in his shadow, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. "
-Song of Solomon 2:3

2. consistency--Yoga, according to our teacher, is all about consistency. You can start small--5 minutes a day, for example--but just because you do 30 minutes one day, it doesn't mean you can skip the next few days. You still have to do 5 minutes the next day.
Ahh, so true. This really struck my heart because I've had so many struggles in the past with consistency in my daily quiet times, and it's so easy for me to get myself down when I miss one day, then two, then three. Such a comfort to know that Jesus is always waiting there for me with open arms, and He longs to just spend time with me. What else can captivate my heart like that?

3. criticism--In our class, our teacher would sometimes call out the mistakes of one certain guy in the front, and he would get frustrated easily. But, our teacher reminded us, his criticisms of that one guy would benefit the whole class because we could all see what he was doing wrong and correct the mistake in ourselves (since we were probably making the same ones).
Just a reminder to not despise the Lord's discipline, for He disciplines those whom He loves, like a father who disciplines his child for his own good! (Proverbs 3:11-12)



Guess I got to learn more than just how to stretch :)

prayer request

So frustrating to see a friend struggle because events and people in her past have told her that she is worthless, un-lovable, a doormat. She just really needs Jesus to shine the truth of His love into her life...it's painful to see her selfless to a point where it's self-destructive, not because she wants to show love to others, but because she is living under obligation to serve everyone around her, except herself. Jesus, please help her. Speak true life into her spirit, please.

twenty twelve.

...I can't believe it's already 2012!


So, so so so so so much in my heart and mind from onething 2011. But there is one thing (among many) for sure--I'm so glad God brought me there this year (praise Him for His sovereignty!).
Pray for me as I process through it all with the gentle guidance of the Holy Spirit tomorrow!