parentals.

So I got to share the gospel with my parents (well, mostly my mom) again over winter break, and, as expected, it was hard. It's been a while (a few years now?), and after the last time, I think my sister and I had decided that in this season, we were just called to be witnesses to our parents through honoring them and showing them the love of Jesus through our actions and words (and of course to keep praying for them!). But for some reason, a few nights after I was up in Michigan, I was about to fall asleep when I was hit with the urge (from the Holy Spirit, I guess) to share the gospel again with my parents. I don't know where it came from, but the feeling of urgency was so strong that it was pretty unmistakable, and I couldn't really say no to it, either.

The next morning, after sharing with some friends and asking for their prayers, I kept thinking in my head about how to approach the subject during lunch or dinner. Even when I had decided, it was hard. We were sitting there eating lunch, and there was a clear lull/break in the conversation, which was pretty much my cue...and I still hesitated. I hadn't felt that nervous in a long time about saying anything to anyone, but my words felt like they were sliding back down my throat. Finally, I just started by asking my parents about where they thought all their recent blessings/good happenings had come from....which eventually got steered to a spiritual conversation, but in the end, it pretty much looked the same as before--me crying and my mom not really seeing the need for Jesus (and my dad had left; my tears probably made him uncomfortable, lol >.<). Seriously, I don't get emotional sharing the gospel with anyone else...I guess it just hits so close to home, seeing their clear contentment with where they are now, Jesus-less. It's just hard.

But I won't stop praying. And I'm not just praying for them, but also the non-believing parents/families of some of my close friends.


What's more awesome (and cheerful/encouraging, probably) is that in the past few days, God has really encouraged me with hope through testimonies of a couple of other Asian parents/families. A few days ago, one of our IV leaders shared about his winter break in Taiwan and how God really opened doors for him to share the gospel with both his dad and his older sister (both non-believers)--so amazing! I almost teared up hearing his story, haha. Going to keep praying for them to accept Jesus, too. And just last night, at a friend's house party dinner for Chinese New Year, we ended the night by sharing some testimonies. My friend's dad ended up taking most of the time (lol), but he shared his testimony in pretty great detail. Overall, it was really encouraging just seeing how he went from seeking knowledge in Buddhism to challenging Christianity to repenting and receiving Jesus as His Savior. God is constantly moving and at work--praise Him for that! :)

processing

Sometimes (like now?), I kinda wish I was more of an internal processor. That I didn't need to talk things out with close friends/people in general to sort through my thoughts. That I didn't have to share with others just to really share my thoughts and emotions on what I'm going through with myself. That I would be satisfied with just a pen and paper or with frequent updates of this blog.





...or do I?

is it bad..

...that sometimes I wish God kept our lives a little more normal and thus easier to keep up with? I feel like my friends are always going through crazy life changes and there's always too much to be updated on. Geez, I can't imagine what it'll be like coming back from my 3-month long trip, away from all my friends >.<
And yet, as I say this, I realize how silly and selfish it is to ask for that. Living for God each and every day truly is a worthy and rewarding adventure! As crazy and constantly changing as it can be. In the ups and especially in the downs, He is glorified, and that is awesome. He is the Maker of the universe and infinitely creative and always surprising us with more, if we're willing to accept His offer.
It's like when Aladdin asks Jasmine, "Do you trust me?" Do we trust Him? Do I trust Him? Saying yes is scary; it's getting my feet swept away from under me as I embark on something even better than a magic carpet ride. This is God, Creator of all things, who is at the steering wheel.
Who am I to complain, just because my brain can't keep up with what He's doing in the lives of all my friends?

Thank You, Jesus, that I'm not the one in control.



(is it also bad that I'm blogging instead of studying for my MCAT...sigh)

carrying

"Carrying too much stuff, as always, Anna."

A simple remark--but how true is it? Is it just as pertains to physical items (which usually seems to be the case), or am I holding on to more baggage internally? Never really thought too much about it until Epic Anthology (theme of freedom) and my friend's comment a couple of days ago.
Jesus, please show me what I'm still holding on to and not giving up to You.

mmmmm

I wish I had more time (and desire) to blog more. There's always a balance to maintain, isn't there? Balancing the (mostly) extroverted and (not so much) introverted parts of myself. Living and reflecting. Pouring into others and being poured into.


Sometimes I wish I had a really fine mesh net that could catch all the thoughts that flit around in my mind. What happens to all the ones that break free and fly away forever?

I don't know where I'm going with this...probably just slight delirium from waking up at 7 a.m. on a Friday. I'll look back at this later and laugh at it...or just delete it.


Your presence is all that I'm longing for

overload.

onething 2011
Anthology 2012
roommate catch-up (and spiritual convo!)
personal statement drafts
MCAT studying
FANZ prep
lack of sleep

...

Feels like there's too much stuff to think about/sort through right now, yet still so many praises to be given to God :)
Jesus, take the wheel, please. I trust in You and You alone.

more reminders.

It's not just about not burning out, but about being built up.


Just like in a similar way, it's not just about avoiding death, but about choosing life and life in the best and truest form--in Jesus Christ.


Vision statement for my life: He must become greater, and I must become less. (John 3:30)





Thank You for giving me these reminders through brothers and sisters recently :)